Friday, October 14, 2005

My One-Act Play

[I just realized that the problem is not that Doug Eddingses exist. The problem is that there aren't enough Doug Eddingses. For example, it'd be really great if Doug Eddings were in charge of the Human Resources Department at someplace I want to work for. So great, in fact, that I wrote a one-act play about it.]

A one-act play, by Earl

[A nice corner office. DOUG EDDINGS is sitting behind his desk. I walk in. DOUG EDDINGS stands.]

DOUG EDDINGS: Thank you very much for your application. Unfortunately we received a large number of outstanding applications, but currently have only one position to fill. I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position at this time.

ME: Oh. I see. Thank you very much -- well, I really like corner offices. I think I'll take...this one. [Sits down behind Doug Eddings' desk.]

DOUG EDDINGS: [confused for a moment] Welcome aboard!

[5 minute montage, with shots of me spinning around in my swivel chair, me dancing on the desk, me high-fiving Doug Eddings, Doug Eddings giving me an oversized check for ten thousand dollars, me kissing a big wad of hundred dollar bills, and me dancing on the desk some more. Loverboy's "Everybody's Working For the Weekend" plays in the background.]

ME: Allllll riiiiight!!!

- FIN -


  1. I don't even know what to say about how brilliant that is.

  2. I like this. I know some people, who know some people that might be interested in developing this into a bigger project.

  3. Postscript: The day after the Board of Directors want an explanation on why Earl, a white Male, was hired after just one interview. The Board had been attempting for years to encourage the promotion and devlopment of minorities. After all, for all the other recent postions that were filled, they had flown in candidates of all origins to conduct interviews.

    In response to such questioning.

    DOUG EDDINGS: I really think Earl as the best candidate. I should have done a bette job selling him.

  4. Earl... the magic is the 80's music montage - simply magic.

    "I liked it better than Cats... I'd see it again and again"