My One-Act Play

[I just realized that the problem is not that Doug Eddingses exist. The problem is that there aren't enough Doug Eddingses. For example, it'd be really great if Doug Eddings were in charge of the Human Resources Department at someplace I want to work for. So great, in fact, that I wrote a one-act play about it.]

DOUG EDDINGS AND ME
A one-act play, by Earl

[A nice corner office. DOUG EDDINGS is sitting behind his desk. I walk in. DOUG EDDINGS stands.]

DOUG EDDINGS: Thank you very much for your application. Unfortunately we received a large number of outstanding applications, but currently have only one position to fill. I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position at this time.

ME: Oh. I see. Thank you very much -- well, I really like corner offices. I think I'll take...this one. [Sits down behind Doug Eddings' desk.]

DOUG EDDINGS: [confused for a moment] Welcome aboard!

[5 minute montage, with shots of me spinning around in my swivel chair, me dancing on the desk, me high-fiving Doug Eddings, Doug Eddings giving me an oversized check for ten thousand dollars, me kissing a big wad of hundred dollar bills, and me dancing on the desk some more. Loverboy's "Everybody's Working For the Weekend" plays in the background.]

ME: Allllll riiiiight!!!

- FIN -